she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Green mimosas i think yes
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
