take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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