i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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