This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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