I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
