i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We left the knife in your bed.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
