the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Found the puke drawer
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
