I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
