Someone shit on the floor
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Life is so much better after having sex.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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