I am puke
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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