walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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