Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
