Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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