she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
