I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
