it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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