I wish life had little blips of pornography
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
