Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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