I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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