I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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