we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I want to be your penis for a week.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
