This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
