I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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