I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
