I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
