i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
