So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
