If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
It's no shave November. This is our time.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
