this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
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