My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
