Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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