I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I got chris browned last night
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
