omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
