There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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