what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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