He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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