I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
