he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
