just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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