so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Randomize
