My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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