Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
