I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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