his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
