We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
