I wish I could teleport
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
And then my night got REAL pukey
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
