I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
