Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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