i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
