I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
