you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
