I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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