i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
