Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
