Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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