I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
