some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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