i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
