I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
