sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
