i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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