She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
