i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
