i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
