i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
