508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I checked into jail on foursquare
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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