Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
