Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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