I can tuck mytits in my pants
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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