And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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